Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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