Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
