Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
