I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
