hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
