4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
