I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
