So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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