she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I supernannyed him into submission
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
