these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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