i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
