if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
