laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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