well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
