Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
