He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
