That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
