Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
