I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
