so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
