Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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