Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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