worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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