We named our party play list daddy issues
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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