Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
