I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
