I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
