All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
