apparently the secret to your success is patron
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
