Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
