how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
