i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
