I am puke
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
