Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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