bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
