Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize
