I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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