dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
