he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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