just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
