Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
