dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
