Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
