he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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