clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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