I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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