There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
