Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
