Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
