DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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