i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
